Leona

Seriously, is that not just letting people know before hand exactly what they will get when they eat there?  Well, Fat Chances is my new favorite resturant.  My hubby wanted to go out to eat tonight.  I was super tired and cranky (bloated, cramping, just a regular pms smorgishborg).  So I was like, “Sure, whatever.”  So he wants to go to this new place.  It’s a buffett.  A seafood buffet.  I hate seafood.  I hate all fish.  He knows this.  He knows this very well.  You should have seen me the first time we went to Red Lobster back in the dating years.  I sat with a lemon scented towellete over my nose the entire time.  The smell of any kind of seafood just makes me nauseous.

“They have chicken,” he says.  “And veggies.  You can eat chicken and veggies.”  So I relented. 

Remember, he is suppose to be on this healthy eating plan too.  But he cheats.  Often.  I know he has went out to eat at least once this week for lunch.  Yet he has lost twice as much weight as I have.  MEN!! 

Anyway, we walked in the door of FAT CHANCE’S and the buffet is right there.  Guess what?  That’s right.  NO GRILLED CHICKEN!  I was like, “Well, that’s fine.  You and Alissa eat.  I will just have some chili when we get home.”  But my hubby, being the pushy guy he is asked the waitress if there was anyway I could get some chicken breast even though it wasn’t on the buffet.  (He does have his moments.) 

“Sure,” she says.  Well, about 15 min later the cook comes out with some chicken breast.  BATTERED, DEEP-FRIED, EXTREMELY NOT LOW FAT CHICKEN BREAST!!!

I realized immediatley what the deal was and thought, I’ll just pull the skin off and eat a little meat.  But my hubby said, “What’s that?  My wife’s on a diet,” yes, evidently that is the cooks business, “She needs Grilled Chicken Breast.”

The cook, who turned out the be Chance–owner of FAT CHANCE’S, apologized profusely and returned with some of the best grilled chicken I have ever had in my entire life in about 10 min. 

As we were walking out the door, Chance came out of the kitchen again to tell me that anytime I wanted Grilled Chicken, just let him know.  Day or night.  Even if it wasn’t on the buffet.  He would fix it for me.

Yeah, I will be going back to FAT CHANCE’S!

I’m BACK!  LOL!  I can’t believe I was only out of circulation for 36 hours.  It felt more like 36 days.  The hotel we stayed in did not have free wireless, and I just could not justify the expense just to check in at buddyslim (but I really wanted to!).  My stepson got us a room at the hotel he works at (he is a sound guy for conferences) at an employee discount, a really nice hotel.  What I don’t understand is how they can charge so much for the room and not provide wireless free?  We normally stay in a moderate priced hotel and it has free wireless.  I guess if you can afford the regular prices of the rooms at that place, you can afford to drop a ten on wireless for 24 hours. LOL!

On the way there, Gary asked me if I was going to eat.  Of course the smartass in me popped out and I said “No, I’m just going to drink water until we get home.”  I knew what he meant.  Was I going to break my diet?  I decided to have 1 free meal while we were there. 

I have been craving a cheeseburger.  I used to work in the resturant business.  Well, I actually owned one for two years and I love love love cheeseburgers.  But I haven’t had a really good one in a long time.  So we went to Braum’s.  I don’t care what anyone says, Braum’s has the best cheeseburgers ever!  It tasted delicious!  But guess what.  My stomach said NO!!

I got sooooo sick.  I was sick enough that I wanted to vomit.  We went back to the hotel and I layed down for a bit.  I really wanted to just get that crap out of my stomach.  But I was determined I was not going to vomit.  I don’t want that to be the answer.  Ya know?  I don’t want to think, “Well, I can go ahead and have this bacon cheeseburger because I can just throw it up later.”  And I wanted some of the guilt to still be there.  Does that sound sick?  If I threw it up, the guilt would dissappear with the contents of my stomach and I wanted to have a little guilt.  But I promise you, I will not be having any high fat, red meat free meals anytime in the near future!

The hotel had a nice fitness center.  I planned on trying out the elliptical, but when I got down there a skinny girl was using one of them.  The last thing I wanted to do was get on the one beside her, not last 5 min and her KNOW that I didn’t lasT 5 min.  That’s sad huh?  Some skinny chick I don’t even know prevented me from trying out something I don’t normally have access to. 

But I did walk on the treadmill.  It was so nice having a treadmill that I could set intervals on.  My butt-ugly hand-me-down has a crank thing for the speed, so to do intervals I have to crank it up and then back down.   Stupid me though, I forgot my water bottle and was dying by the time I finished.  When I got back to the room and told my hubby he said, “Didn’t you see the case of water bottles on the shelf?”  Duh!!!  I’m such a goofball sometimes.

I have now worked out three days in a row, which is a miracle.  Thanks Debbie for the swift kick in the butt.  Your right, no more using the knee as an excuse.  Besides, it doesn’t hurt that bad unless I walk down stairs.  Since my treadmill doesn’t have a “go downstairs crank”  I don’t have to worry about it.

Ohh, and I weighed in Saturday morning because I was going to be gone today and I am down to 209.  That’s an eleven pound loss!  Whoot! Whoot!

This is probably going to be one rambling blog.  I have so many thoughts roaming through my head, and if I blog them I may be able to go to sleep.

We are leaving early in the morning to go see my hubby’s oldest son, daughter in law, and grandbaby.  I’m a terrible person because I really don’t want to go.  We are so busy during the week that on the weekends I just want to hang out around the house.  Maybe go watch a movie, although I really don’t like doing that either but I compromise for my daughter and hubby.  I really don’t want to drive 5 hours to visit people just to turn around and drive 5 hours back sunday afternoon.

My husband and his first wife divorced when Matt, his oldest son, was about 12.  They also had an 11 year old (busy people) and a toddler(a ”save the marriage” baby).  After several years of long drawn out custody battles and terrible things said and done by both of them, my hubby decided it was better for the boys to not be in that situation.  So when his ex wanted to move the boys across the country because of her new husbands job, my hubby consented.  All I have is his side of the story of course, but according to him she did everything she could to keep the him from having a relationship with the boys.  She wouldn’t let him talk to them, she sent christmas and birthday presents back.  She suppossedly told them all sorts of terrible untrue things about hubby.  Well, I know my husband, and although he is far from perfect, he is a good and honest man.  I’ve meet his ex and she is a crazy lady.  So I tend to believe his story.  Although, I’m sure he also did and said things that he shouldn’t have.

Anyway, when we meet nearly 9 years ago he had not seen or spoken to his boys in several years.  Well, 2 years ago his middle son contacted him.  He had always said when they got away from their mom they would want to get to know him.  Shortly after that, his oldest son called him. 

The middle son is a bit of a wild child.  He is military, and while I am very proud of his service to our country, he tends to drop off the face of the earth for months at a time.  So, even though we have some contact with him, it’s not frequent.

The oldest son, Matt, and my hubby have developed a relationship.  I like Matt and his wife Alysa.  I love their little baby Dylan.  But I feel like they use my husband and it makes me mad.  They have borrowed money from us several times in the last few years, always with the promise to pay it back in “x” weeks.  So far, they have never paid anything back.  A few weeks ago, matt called hubby and was talking about getting an apartment (they have lived with hubby’s ex since they started dating).  Of course, he mentioned how they had the money for the deposit and the first months rent, but they didn’t have money for utilites deposits.  Well, my dear hubby offered him the money.  You can’t tell me he didn’t know his dad would do that.

Which, I don’t mind helping them out.  Except, I don’t understand how they could possibly not have saved enough money over the last 2 years to make utility deposits.  They were living rent free at the ex’s.  They don’t have a vehicle payment.  What could they possibly have spent all their money on?  I just don’t get it.

Please don’t think poorly of me.  I don’t mean to imply that I don’t want to help them.  It just concerns me that this newfound relationship with my hubby is all about money and that my hubby will get hurt in the end.  We are not wealthy, but we are comfortable.  We can afford to help them out a little.  But it seems like everytime Matt calls, it results in us sending him a check.  Of course my husband remembers how hard is was for him and his wife when they first started out with a new baby so he wants to help them. 

I have never voiced my concern to my husband.  As far as I know, he hasn’t made this phone call/mailed check connection yet. 

Okay, on to other things.  I have done okay this week.  I have managed to eat healthy, but I overate a couple days.  One day was sorta bingey, some emotional eating involved.  But the other one, I was truly hungry.  I just couldn’t get enough to eat.  My body was hungy, so I fed it.  I’m trying to learn to listen to my body.

I skipped working out two days this week because of my knee.  Well, to be honest, my knee was a good excuse and I probably needed to take it easy, but I was really in a funk those two days.  Not sure what was wrong with me.  My poor hubby took the brunt of it.  I was such a bitch to him.  I knew I was being a bitch.  I knew I was being hateful and hurtful.  But I couldn’t seem to stop myself.  I don’t know what was wrong with me, but everything he said was wrong and I told him all about it.  Fortunatly, he doesn’t hold a grudge.  Even though he is not perfect, he is a good man.  Now, if I could just get him to give me a massage!!

I’m not sure when I will have a chance to get back on, so I hope everyone has a great weekend.  Pray that I can make healthy choices while we are gone.  I’m packing healthy snacks for the drive, but meal time will have to be in resturants.

Do skinny girls panties crawl?  Hey Nancy, do your panties crawl less since you have lost weight?  Seriously, I’m about feed up with panties that crawl.  I’m at the point that I’m contemplating a thong, because even though I can’t stand it, at least it stays where it is suppose to be.  I mean, if I’m going to have panties up my crack I might as well intend for them to be there!

I have been searching for panties that don’t crawl forever.  I went by the store today to pick up a few things and decide to treat myself.  (Is it odd that I think regular panties are a treat?)  I found what I thought would be perfect.  Boy cut briefs that were made with some little amount of lycra.  At least the packaging boasted lycra.  Evidently it is a trace amount just so they could market them to us people searching for the non crawling variey.  As soon as I put them on they started walking their way toward the great divide.  And I swear they are the right size.  They fit well, they just don’t stay in place!!

I’m considering buying those guys boxer brief things.  Ya know the ones that are tight like briefs, but have the longer legs like boxers.  I bet those things wouldn’t crawl.

On another note, I have some exciting news!!  First of all, I have been challenging myself to drink more water.  I know it’s good for me and from experience I know it helps my skin look beautiful.  But it’s just not what I reach for first.  I tried to go straight water.  Mistake!  That sent me into severe headache land from lack of caffienne.  So I’ve been limiting my diet coke intake to 1 maybe 2 a day.  (I know, I know, but I will work towards weaning myself completely)  But I still wasn’t drinking a lot of water.  Well, the last couple of days I have done a lot better.  I actually drank 120 oz. today.  And I won’t be going to bed for another couple hours!!  I’m floating!!  Literally.  but I didn’t force myself to drink it, I just keep it handy and in a bottle.  Not sure why, but I wanted that water today! 

Also, I realized that I have really increased my fitness level.  I had to speed up my treadmill a couple notches.  Can’t tell you how fast I was going since my hand-me-down treadmill didn’t come with that part of it.  (There’s a big gaping hole where the electonic componet would go.)  And I even jogged for a 4 1 minute burst.  Whoot Whoot!!!  Go ME!!

Love you guys bunches!!! 

I just got off the treadmill.  I still have sweat rolling down my back.  And I feel GREAT!!!  Why did I not work out over the weekend?  why, oh, why did I feel the need to binge, even if it was healthy foods?  I know I’m not the only one who struggles with the weekend.  I have read blog after blog in the last two days about weekend blues and binges.  Some of those bloggers were successful in curbing their temptations, but so many of us succumb to weekenditis.

I have developed a theory while reading those blogs.  I think we have it programmed into our brains that weekends are “free time.”  Even though we don’t realise it, subliminally we give ourselves free reign on the weekend.  It’s break time.  We struggled all week.  It’s time to reward ourselves.  It’s time to cut lose, have a little fun, and take a break.

I don’t think we even realize we do it.  I know I don’t.  But I do!  Ohh, how I do!  I have way more time on the weekends for working out than I do during the week.  I should be double timing it on the weekend.  But instead, I sit around watching movies, snacking away. 

But know that I have realized what I’m doing, I’m going to guard against it.  I’m going to plan my weekend.  That’s right: PLAN!  Even those weekend’s when we don’t do anything but hang around the house.  I do so much better when I have a scheduled plan.  That’s why the work week is not so hard.  It is structured.  Yes, it is hard cramming my workout, cooking and eating supper, spending time with my family, and grading papers all into the hours after 5:00pm.  But my days have structure, so I don’t backslide.  So I’m going to structure my weekends. 

By the way, thank you to everyone for the advice about getting my hubby to workout.  You guys are right.  I have to let him decide he wants to do it and no amount of nagging on my part is going to get him moving.  I will just have to show him the results that I get and the energy that I am getting.  I still worry and it still annoys me.  But I can’t make him move, so I have to let that go.  Love You Guys!!

Yep, that’s me.  A Pig!  I have ate like an absolute pig this weekend.  Even though they were for the most part healthy choices, it doesn’t change the fact that I ate way too much.  It seems like I hit some sort of wall this weekend.  No matter what, I couldn’t seem to be satisfied with food.  And I couldn’t force myself to workout.  Even though I know that I would have felt better if I had.

I started this blog a couple hours ago, but I just wasn’t in the mood to write.  So I saved it and went trolling through the blogs.  I read someones’ (I’m sorry I can’t remember who it was) about “feeding” because TOM was here.  Then it hit me!  DUH!  I don’t have any reason to worry about when TOM is here right know, so I don’t really keep up with it.  But that’s got to be what my problem is.  I always CRAVE chocolate that week before.  I just had to have chocolate today.  It was not an option to not have chocolate.  I found a recipe for low-fat brownies, modified it a bit, and made some super yummy brownies.  The only problem was that I ate 3 of them instead of the one I should have had.  Right know, I’m typing to keep myself from getting another one.  I’m going to add the recipe I used if anyone is interested.  I cut them into 18 nice size brownies and each one was about 140 calories with less than a gram of fat each.  (I did the math myself so I know this is accurate.)  I know that is kinda high on the calorie count, but when you are craving chocolate, 140 calorie fix is not bad.

On another note, I’m really irrated with my flipping idiot husband.  As some of you know, this is a full family effort.  My husband is about 6 foot and weighs around 340 lbs, most of which is in his stomach.  Even though he doesn’t suffer from any of the things you would normally asscociate with such an overweight person, he does have issues.  He has back problems, knee problems, allergies, stomach issues, etc.  He cheats on the healthy eating all the time.  He is still losing weight because even though he cheats, with the meals I am cooking at home and portion control, his calore intake is so much less than his normal.  So he thinks it is okay to cheat.  He is still getting results, right?  WRONG!!!  He may be getting results, but this whole process is not just about us.  I want us to teach Alissa that healthy choices are better.  It doesn’t help when he comes home and talks about eating out at lunch, or having pizza with friends at work.  And he refuses to workout!  Absolutely REFUSES!!!  How can I teach my 9 year old that being active is important, when dad won’t get off his lazy ass and get active himself.  He sits and plays on his computer.  The most exercise he gets is clicking a mouse.  He got on the treadmill the other day and I thought “Yay!  He has finally realised he has to get moving.”  He was on it a total of 90 seconds.  Then he got off and said, “That’s not hard.  I could do it if I wanted to.”  But he hasn’t been back on.  I thought about buying him a gym membership.  Maybe if I spent money on it, he would go.  But knowing him, he would just call and get a refund!

Do any of you have the same problem with a spouse or significant other?  How do you deal with it?  Any ideas on getting him to move? 

Hey guys!  I just wanted to let you know about a new group that Michelle has started.  The groups that already exist are wonderful.  But for those of us that are new, it can be a little intimidating since they all know each other.  Being the new kid can be hard, so this group is great because we will all be the new kids.  We can get to know each other and support each other.

Anyway, here is the link if you would like to join!

<a href=”http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/weight-loss-groups/4591-who-wants-join-me-new-group.html“>

I’m sitting here wishing I had worked out today.  My knee and ankle was bothering me a lot today, so I decided to give it a little break.  But I actually missed working out. (That’s a first in a long, long time)  I really had a crappy day, and I hope you don’t mind if I unload a little.  This is total un-weightloss related.

First of all, like I said, my knee and ankle was really hurting today.  I broke my foot in highschool and it wasn’t set correctly and healed wrong so it lays over a little.  It’s just enough to through that whole leg out of wack.  Most of the time it doesn’t really bother me.  I don’t limp unless I’m really tired.  But when it gets really cold, like it has here the last 24 hours, it hurts or aches really.  I probably have arthiritis in those joints.  I prefer not to think about what that is going to mean in the future. 

Then I had a special ed meeting that I didn’t know about.  Well, I had been asked if I would mind attending since and I had agreed, but I didn’t know a date and time had been set until my principal called me and told me that he had my class covered for 3rd hour.  I acted like I knew what he was talking about, then went next door the the sp. ed. teacher and asked her what on earth was he talking about!  I hate going into a meeting unprepared.  Not that there was anything I could have done to really prepare.  But it just throws me off balance.  And I had to come up with something for my 3rd hour class to do that wouldn’t require my assistance.  That’s not as easy as you might imagine.  I teach HS math, so as a general rule, they always need help.

The meeting went okay.  Nothing special good or bad.  But the conference room was freezing.  I wore my coat the entire time and was still shivering.  I do not like to be cold.  I so could not live in those places that have below freezing temps for months at a time.  Just the few days we have here makes me feel miserable.  And of course, being so cold made my leg hurt even worse.

My fourth hour class is a senior level class for kids that are college bound but not good in math.  This is a very hard class for me to teach.  I get so frustrated because the kids think it is a blow off class just to get them and additional math credit. They don’t take it seriously and don’t try to lean anything even though this class was designed specifically to help those who are low in math be successful in College Algebra which is a stumbling block for a lot of people in college. And most of the kids I get really are not college bound.  They say they want to go to college, but unless their habits change a great deal, they will never make it.  It frustrates me on a daily basis.  I spend most of the class period resisting the urge to smack them on the head and tell them they should have had a V-8.  Anyway, I had planned an activity that required a special application on our calculators.  I spot checked a handful the day before to make sure they had the application and all the ones I checked did.  So imagine my frustration when more than half of my class did not have that application on there calculators!!!  So we spent an extra ten minutes getting the application put on everyone’s calculator.  But the frustation with this class did not end there.  When we work on the calculators, I use a program that basically is a huge calculator that they can clearly see.  I push the button’s on my big calculator as I tell them what to do.  Describing were the buttons are if they are ones we don’t use frequently.  You would think they would be able to keep up.  You really would.  I mean, all they have to do is find and punch the appropriate button in the length of time it takes for me to explain what button, where it is located, and why we are pushing this button,  and I’m showing them the blasted button on an 5ft tall working replica of their calculators.  Well, they can’t.  My frustration level at this point is just about to go through the roof.  But I calmly back up and repeat steps.  Over, and over, and over.  We didn’t get half-way through it. 

So, my day was really on shaky ground but not totally crappy at this point. Just not great.  But I had not had my 6th hour class yet.  First of all, let me tell you that everyone should not be required to take Algebra II.  It is difficult and even though all children can learn, all children can not learn the same thing at the same rate.  By some scheduling oddity, my 6th hour Algebra II class contains the highest students in our school and the lowest students in our school.  It’s the weirdest thing I have ever encountered.  I have a class of 25 kids and not one of them is an average math student.  They are either exceptionally gifted in math, or they can’t add.  I have tried having the high students help the low students, but the high ones get frustrated (which I totally understand) and wind up giving the low ones the answers just to get through with it.  Add to that the fact that every single student likes to talk a lot and this class is a nightmare.  My blood pressure goes up just thinking about this class.  Today was no different.  And with the other stuff going on, I just could not keep my cool today.  I exploded on them when I had to tell them to quiet down for about the 500th time.  I’m not saying they were working and they were getting too loud.  I was TEACHING!!!!!  Anyway, I don’t know what to do with them.  It’s not fair to either set of kids.  The low ones can not get the atttention they need and we are moving to fast for them.  But the high ones are not getting challenged.  Even though we are moving to fast fow the low kids, we are not moving near fast enough.  The high kids are not going to be prepared for calculus.  I think I am going to have to set up some after school time for those high kids who want to take more advanced class.  This will have to be in addition to the afterschool tutoring program I do everyday for the kids who are struggling and need help.  There is not enough hours in the day to do all I need to do!!!

So anyway, I’m sitting here blogging out my frustrations with my day really wishing I had exercised to let off some of this steam.  But I know my body needed a break.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

I made a bad choice today.  But you know what?  I made it conciously.  I weighed the options and chose to make a bad choice.  That may not seem like something to brag about, but for me it is very different. 

One of my best friends birthday was today.  We teach together.  I have a little group of teachers that I eat lunch with and we always throw each other birthday parties.  We bring lunch and some sort of dessert.  Decorate the b-day boy or girls room.  Just make it special. 

Well, I was out yesterday with my headache and wasn’t in on the planning for today.  So, we had frito chili pie (because it is one of her favorites), pecan pie and peach cobbler for dessert.  I had my lunch with me and could have just obstained from partaking in the food but still joined the party.  I debated with myself all morning.  If I didn’t eat my own food, was I going to make my self guilty and go into a depressed state?  Would it set off a binge like you have never seen?  Then Donna’s comment on one of my previous post came back to me.  I have to change the way I view food.  I have to be able to live in the real world, which sometimes means eating things that are not the best choices.  I have to be able to take a moderate portion, then walk away.  So I decided to eat with my friends.  I chose to have a small portion of frito chili pie and a bit of each dessert.  And ya know what?  It didn’t send me into a depression.  I didn’t beat myself up about it all afternoon.  I did a little extra work out this afternoon to help work off the extra calories.  But it wasn’t an obssessive decision.  It was concious.  And it didn’t send me into the binge of all binges!

I have struggled with my weight most of my life.  I have been on just about every diet on the market.  And at one point, I actually succeeded in losing 65 lbs and meeting my goal weight at the time.  But then I got pregnant and I have fought the battle ever since.  This time feels different.  I don’t know if it is because of my determination because of my daughter or what.  But I think a huge part of it is because of you guys.  I have never had support like I have received in the last week and a half.  You are making a difference.  With your comments and your blogs.  Your booster notes and messages.  Sharing thoughts and feelings.  You are making a difference in me.

All my life my parents were very open and honest with us about drugs and alcohol.  They always told us that they couldn’t prevent us from drinking or using, but if we were smart, we wouldn’t get involved in with that stuff.  They pointed out people that had messed up their lives with drugs or alcohol.  My grandfather on my mom’s side was a recovering alcoholic.  One of my uncle’s on my dad’s side was a well. 

Well, I listened to my parents.  I have never tried any kind of drug and only drink occassionally.  I learned early on that I have addictive tendancy’s.  I get involved in anything and become addictted to it.  Not all addictions are bad.  I’m addictted to photography, horse back riding, buddyslim.com, and a slew of other things that are great.  It’s the bad addictions that are the problem   I was smart for the most part wisely stayed away from things that I knew would me harmful to me and those around me.  With a one exception:  I smoke.  I know, stupid right?  I started smoking when I was smart enough to know better.  I was 23, and I started to help me lose weight.  I have decided to quit smoking, even though to be honest with you I really enjoy it a lot.  But I’m giving myself one month.  My plan is to get my body on a healthy track and work out everyday and replace my smoking addiction with working out.

But that’s not the only unhealthy addiction I have.  I’m addicted to food also.  I love food.  I plan food.  I create new things and try new recipes to get more enjoyment out of food.  Do I eat for other reasons?  sure, like many of you I eat because I’m upset, or bored, or lonely, or …..Well, the list goes on and on.  But the main reason I eat is because I enjoy it.  Well, I’m going to turn this addiction into a postive one.  I’m going to keep on enjoying my food, but I’m going to make better choices.  I’m going to make new things, create new recipes, try foods I have never tried before.  I’m not going to deny myself this pleasure.  I’m just going to make this addiction a healthy addiction.  Between my healthy addiction to food, and my healthy addiction to exercise (I’m getting there), I’m going to beat this disease.  I just know I am!!